Hi Taleek97, I'm one of the developers of IFS. Are you sure that's the right screenshot you've uploaded? That screenshot seems to be an error from this game, not from IFS.
Furry Visual Novels are just so different, so "indie" in a good way. But they do lack a lot especially in mechanics and scale. This isn't a bad thing per se, but I feel like there are too many linear stories in the furry genre. IK scale is hard to achieve with such a small team especially when they may have other jobs but as a FVN coming out sort of 'late' without anything special to add I feel a bit let down.
The artwork is amazing. I kind of do want to give it a 10/10 but there is still a lot of clean up that can be done, especially in texturing some materials. Everything (including the fur) feels like its made of plastic.
I personally do not get the dedication of these characters and why they have an intense emotional need to not let down their superiors. I'm just going to say it... It doesnt feel like they are militarily involved with their superiors. I think they just want to get in their senpai's bed by being an obedient good boy. --While sluttiness can be entertaining (eg Temptations Balad) it didnt seem to fit with the idea sold to us in the beginning, that they are at war with a very dangerous adversary and that they might have been brainwashed to be loyal fodder or at least have a good reason to be so patriotic. I just dont see it yet.
There are more of these logical "threads" that are just cut because I have my expectations subverted in similar ways. So Id have to rate the story boarding of the writer quite poorly for putting together something incoherent. Aside from that, it is written well enough if not a little fast paced. Since they are all in a facility or wearing a device more time could have been spent by the author helping us see what the MC sees as his first time on board this training base as he makes his way or gets alarms/calls (read Enders Game for reference). Things were either rushed into action or retreating to talk about the MCs negative emotions (it was done a tad too much too quickly. While I dont doubt you have a plan for this, as the reader it is becoming unbarable and making me dislike the MC. For a soldier he sure is a whiney bitch. You could try introducing other emotions because us readers want to feel good from time to time, not just sorry for the MC and then distracted by the horny stuff until it is time to feel sad again).
Id suggest to go over the story board. The sequence of events that happen are fine but you can go about the transition a little more slowly and introduce the world to us. The characters seem like they were cookie cutted and dont have unique motivations. All I feel from them is a tad bit of racism/elitism or being friendly for no reason. While a few characters were given a basic personality, they dont really pop out as if they could be a real life person with depth. All you really got going is a sensible sequence of events and some sexy characters. While this can be sold to a lot of people without complaints, that isn't exactly something id waste my time with, even if furry visual novels are hard to come by, id just not read this if the quality stays the same because it is incapable of making me feel anything (except maybe a little horny).
Over all there is real potential if this gem can be polished up. I am hoping for bettter stuff to come.
Thank you for taking the time for the review. I hope that as the series goes on you like it more.
I am saddened to hear that you do not like the character designs, as we spent a lot of time making them and I think they're all pretty cute and I didn't get a plastic feel at any point, though I will look at them closely now.
In terms of it being linear that is one of the points I am striving for in telling this story, routes were never an option. I personally do not like route VNs as much, especially when the routes are romance based. It feels off that you choose a path with the eventual goal of 'winning' a characters love. I'm attempting in this story to show that while who you may end up with at the end is set, that does not mean, as is life, that you can't/won't have experiences along the way. Those will be the options available when we get to them, but those choices will not change the outcome of the story.
As for the other comments, perhaps we will go and look back at the pacing for the earlier chapters, though that will happen later as we forge the story ahead atm. My writing style may appear incoherent, but I can also hope you wait as more chapters fill in those blanks in the way I have designed it, and if not, my style may just not be for you.
Build 3 is in the works for release to Patreons in the next few weeks with more world building, character development and bonding, and learning. I hope you can read that and see if its to your liking.
Thank you for taking the time to read the review. (EDITED)
1- I don't disagree that the character designs are of good quality. I am just having trouble imagining metal shoulder and chest pads on something that reminds me of Khakis like how ww2 uniforms use to be.
There are also some detailing with lines to give the art style more depth. However I've seen similar things (and more... well executed?) on anime figurines. In fact, some even go further and try to add not only lines but some texture that is somewhat lacking with the art style of your FVN (eg https://www.odditycentral.com/art/artist-turns-generic-figurines-into-ultra-real...) It wouldn't hurt to add some texture to what you have right now because with just 1 extra shade of darker/lighter color (besides some black lines for detail) it doesn't really help the viewers get a sense of touch into your world and so it becomes less memorable.
2- I really like space genres (battles, adventure, or smut...) so when I came across this there was a hope it would be a big project. Im not blaming you or anything... My impatience made my tongue slip and you didn't deserve any unfair criticism for that. You have every right to write the story you want to write. The point I was trying to make is that FVNs are now starting to get so popular that there is incentive for a big team to make a FVN with multiple routes or other interesting mechanics and have it be profitable. Some FVN patreons have almost a thousand subscribers with a decent chunk giving more than just 1$ a month. There are digital nomads living and working from low cost of living countries (or cruise ships) so if I had the necessary equipment and team this would definitely be my full time job AND i'd have a better, less stressful living condition.
3- (The Edit. Sorry about the great wall of text. Ill try to get to the point without dragging as much).
To put it short, I read a lot. While I don't write as much as i'd like to, I still know what ingredients goes into a good story.
One ingredient is readability. If you check out Comidacomida's work on SoFurry you'll see what I mean. He uses simple words, doesn't phrase things that need a grammar expert to have a double think, and the... colors? of the vocabulary are wonderful, so when you read it you actually enjoy it because he can turn words into art with the way it is all strung together. Unfortunately In Finite Space lacks these qualities in some regards, making it a bit of a chore to read through.
Another is the narrative. Im sure it is too early to tell, but I am not really learning anything about the characters of what their culture values. Readers love flawed characters that are relatable or different cultures that makes us see things with new perspectives, however the storyteller fails in this regard. I thought it was going well with Eryx the Bear but then events became incoherent and lacked logic. Supposedly his parents make him train very hard. And then he loses a spar. So he is staying up late to get in more training. Now all that makes sense if you think he is punishing himself over his loss while having an ego for being #1, but he has a clumsy streak (because he did fall down. Also this FVN isn't shy about stereotypes, and bears tend to have a clumsy stereotype to them). Perhaps his character arc is about letting go of perfection or being what youre not but that isn't done. In fact I am not sure what is done... Is he just eye candy for people with a specific type? That's all it seems like to me.
Speaking of coherency and logic, this FVN doesn't seem to feel like it was written by 1 person who has something to say. It feels like it was written by 10 different (horny) people. Im sure we all played or seen others play "take turns to complete a sentence but you can only say 1 word on your turn". If it is written by 1 person they need to go back to the storyboard phase and start ripping out things that don't have any importance. Distill it to its essence while keeping the sequence of events logical. You can keep things logical by first writing out the personality and temperment of your characters, eg an angry character with a short temper would go from grumbling to physically violent when they get triggered. Eryx sort of held up well since you both can bond over losing your spars, making the easy friendship with him logical, but then that's about it. In their world the new recruits are very subservient to their superiors but there is no logic for that. Supposedly they are fodder, and yet they are trained as if to become superiors themselves... This makes no logical sense unless it is about patriotism (yet they are so racist and elitist to each other? even patriotism for such a cruel society seems illogical, though you could make the case for brainwashing which can be interesting) or if the new recruits are all some kind of sadists. I think the latter because of how degraded the MC wants to be and has.... a kink for his officer... It just feels that way. Which makes it weird their whole army culture is about a dom/sub sex relation. That's not my fetish so I dont feel simpatico with the MC and the way he goes out of his way to be of "service".
Last 2 things would be the pacing between certain events as well as the world building going on so far.
Pacing is more than how many words you write between 2 events. You can even make it shorter or longer AND make the story even better for it. Pacing does a lot of things, one of which is setting a mood for expectations, or to set it up to subvert expectations if your MC is about to meet a subversive or tricky new character. Ender's Game does this really well, but if you'd rather another FVN that does it well would be Roads Yet Traveled. (Spoilers) The MC is nervous to meet the Captain, and it turns out for good reason too, because she turns out to be very intimidating. At first I thought the MC was being a wimp for no reason and there was no reason to fear her... And then we meet her and OMG she is scary! I am actually glad a writer can make me regret being wrong (in a good way ofc). But thankfully she is rational and not mean for the sake of being mean... She did make it to Captain after all so it wouldnt be logical some mega corporation would put someone unhinged at the helm of the ship. The pacing between when the MC was getting nervous, to waiting for the suspense to build, to meeting her and being alone for a while, and when Tyre gets a beat down, to once again being alone with her is all well paced and helps the reader feel the subtle feelings the writer intended to portray and releases our nervousness about her when it is all over while having something to look forward to when meeting her again WHAT!? Unfortunately that all goes out the window in In Finite Space. It always feels like there is unsettled business with every character so far. While I have no issues with the events the way they start and end leaves me emotionally confused. For eg the feelings of solitude right before we meet Eryx just seems to start right back up when we part ways. The MC (thus the writer) fails to insert the way the world subtly changes. We walked out of that entire interaction with the way things started. I was expecting more of a skip to our step or a change of perspective about lonely nights. No offense, but besides the eye candy your characters dont feel like they do anything else for the reader on an emotional level.
While I do not like information dumps, there needs to be more moments where the MC notices something and explains how it makes him feel. IK it helps build up mystery to not describe an enemy too much too quickly but I feel like that whole scene should be rewritten. Often, the reactions of others are supposed to be a hint to how we should react, and yet that was missing. No shared scar trope, no mention to how things changed forever (other than still being at war) ((eg take the TSA ever since 9/11)), no change of mood from rambunctious to solemn... At least it doesn't feel that way. Besides the enemy, you could point to certain technology, engineering, or culture that needed to evolve from something we as the reader can relate to into something new that makes logical sense to their world. Unfortunately I fail to feel what it is like to be part of their world. Because of the tone it is written in, and that I find horny for the sake of horny to be annoying, it just feels like this facility theyre all in is a candy shop and the MC is just there to oogle some furry people while trying to get his kink on and I can't take the story seriously. I think story ought to come before the smutt since that is guaranteed to make people read your work and have more of an emotional impact with a character they can relate to or fancy. I just think a writer would feel bad if people use the skip button until they reach a nude character...
There are more ingredients but I dont find them as important as these, especially since In Finite Space seems to be very lacking in these regards I find most important. I don't mean to come off across as someone who just wants a story written differently. I genuinely believe there is always a better way to rewrite a thing, and there is a lot of polishing that can be done without changing the essence of this story. Ive read so many stories so Id know what works and what is just clutter that ruins more ways of enjoying the story than helps it. This FVN does have some clutter but most of common of all is a carelessness when it comes to the reader in mind. Your readers are always thinking and making assumptions and going through feelings and emotions. We don't get a flow from the writer and it can feel like we are just a spectator to a wolrd and people we dont care about. Many people would call such experiences a waste of time with nothing to gain. I am sure many would disagree with me, but I would wager it is because they find a certain character appealing or have the same kinks as the MC. Nothing wrong with what you fancy, but stories are supposed to be for a wider audience to learn something. Im sure if we could have art of a character they fancy and a story about them my same cirtics would flock to that media over your FVN which I am sure you are pouring so much effort and love into. FVNs wont survive against such media that can do what you do but more cheaply and less time consuming, so if you also care about being fairly compensated and appreciated you'd focus more on the quality of the writing and take your time to polish it up, at least until the characters, personalities, and events they find themselves in are all logically coherent, and trust your audience to love them over the relatable moments and moments they wished they had IRL. While it wont be an "Amazing work of art!" it is good enough for a FVN made by a passionate small scale creator and be a lot better than what it is now.
The VN is amazing so far, my only nitpick is that there is no music while Fen is talking even though it kinda feels like there should be some kind of inspirational piece or something
I agree, Something ambient during some of the dead silence would be nice in general. I think they made a song and added it to a couple scenes but there's still a lot of dead silence from what I noticed.
We are aware of this and are composing more music for these moments. Since we're taking the music direction very seriously we want to make sure we hit the right notes.
That being said we may look at implementing some ambient sound to some scenes as a placeholder.
Maros will return in the future yes. There are no 'routes' as its a linear story, but there are options to spend time with all the cast, so please look forward to seeing Maros again.
Since this visual novel has no routes and it is linear does that mean you can have NSFW interactions with the other squires and knights that have their character images in the game?
Finally got to play it and I'm impressed! The MC is very committing with goals no matter the odds/obstacles, challenges that will hit him, and finding a true call for his purpose as a squire. The characters are well colorful in their own ways and their motives and cultures etc. Love it!
I'll look forward for the next update! Keep up the good work!!!
Will the VN have just the optional "stress relief" or will it have full romance options? Not gonna lie that I'm rather looking for the latter.
Or is there gonna be at least something beyond just "stress relief"? I really liked the moment where Calbex tried to console the MC and I hope it will go further than that.
The romance, or rather the eventual ending for the MC is written. Much as is in life, who you finally settle down with doesn't mean you don't have plenty of other sexual and romantic experiences along the way. This aspect of life is one of the goals we are showing in this story.
I dont plan on having a full sprite made, and although I'd love to have a fully customisable MC, we donโt have that currently planned in development. Maybe down the line, if the story tales off I can get this sort of aspect funded.
I looove all the inventions, idioms, and cultural aspects that xou've incorporated~ ^^_ it's always fun finding practical ways to integrate furries into our world, even more so when done in a futuristic setting :p
Building a realistic universe is so imperative to help immerse readers, and I think that xa'll have really nailed this with IFS, as every aspect is extremely creative and very much enthralling UwU
Amazing work. Can't wait to see how the story (and romances) progress~ ;3
Very nice work! I really enjoyed the writing in this build, I love seeing the great vulnerability of MC, but even more so that he wants to power through it despite the had first day. Also, the animations/effects in this build were nice! i.e. movements in the spar scene, or how characters would slightly change in size when they were or weren't speaking for example. Nice touches that could have been skimped on, but definitely do add to the visual experience. It's appreciated.
I like the write and characters of the vn, but because of the theme of the vn it feels a lot of waste that it doesn't have options, I mean there is so much to play and explore here, for example in this build 2 what would happened if the protagonist was trying the heavy mode of the weapon, options in battles whether practice or real that could changed the history or even end in a game over if we do it wrong. Apart from that, I don't know the opinion of others, but at least I want to see the characters better by our own decisions, after all it is a little cold to think with their personalities, design, possible stories they have and everything else the only option we have is whether or not we want to have a "stress release" moment with them and nothing else, if we decided to spend time with one or the other if could even change our performance in battle for learn from their styles of combat or something like that.
I really like this vn just... well everything I already say.
Would you let me translate the vn into Spanish, as I said, I like the story and the potential it has, let's be honest most of the spanish speakers are lazy to learn english and I like that more people read this story
Everything was fine again!... I caught wind of In Finite Space, I looked at its premise, it interested me, I noticed eventually it had a Discord server, so I joined, never said a word, as I awaited its release, so that I could share my thoughts on it..., next day the Server was GONE AGAIN WITH NO REASON WHATSOEVER, it was upsetting, but this time I sought to simply be asking why what good does it do to preach inclusion if all you do is exclusion?
From there they had to audacity to bring the issue back to the forefront and that is when I let them have it, and also blocked them to give them no chance for back talk, I listed to them each and everything they had done, each and every feeling it gave, each and every issue it had caused for their cloak and dagger styled maneuvers!
By now I realized that this issue is not able to be ignored or put to rest, and with a calm rage I started listing everything off in a centralized location of the server, once again met with apathy of others who have no damn clue what they are dealing with, and its that very ignorance that only fuels my frustration, my frustration that these consecutive incidents are all one sided without any chance of me being able to defend myself, nor anyone who willing to step up to put an end to it!
So I made it known if this issue is not put to rest and it happens again I will be back and it will be worse, I DO NOT LIE, for the reason is that I have no means to take any action myself, because I am denied!
The initiate demands of mine are:
To have the two of them ousted and banned from all servers, stripped of their authority..., but that does feel like I am cranking things too far into the opposing direction, so that feels taking things too far at this point, it is not my place
Second is to be Unbanned from all five severs in which they have abused their powers, Remember the Flowers (Origin Server, but unless lead Dev can understand the extant of what they have done it is pointless to seek this demand)
Soulcreek (I checked I'm still banned, clearly people have LIED, also Ryou was turned into a scapegoat!!!)
Roads Yet Traveled (Said nothing, Did nothing, Just existed)
When I Wish I Knew You (Same thing, but this demand is pointless now because it has only one final build left to go)
and In Finite Space (Same thing never said a word, never made a fuss, really does not matter whether they are a Dev or a Mod there)
I thought they were a guy a first wondering why their eyes were feminine, then saw their female pronouns. never in my almost 30 years of gaming have i found a fictional female character sexually attractive until now
I love me some SciFi VN's and this one is quite well done! I am really excited to see the upcoming builds you have planned. At first I was a bit bummed that the mc is human, but that quickly faded, I do enjoy these types of VN's and I am very interested in reading about the swarm, its definitely gotten my interest piqued :D
The story is lineal, but there will be points in the story where you can engage in....'stress relief' with every other main cast member. You can choose each time to accept, but yes or no, the final story will still end the same way.
Hello, I really liked your novel. I am a translator from Russia, and I am involved in a project to translate short stories for Russian mortals, and I would really like to translate your story into Russian, can I do it?
We would love for the story to reach all corners of the globe. Thank you for asking permission. That being said this will be a long project, spanning many books. Please feel free to translate it. If you ever have any questions about wording choices for translating please come to the discord server and I shall answer fully.
Great start!! You have not just my interest but my full attention!!! Love it so far, presentation is great as well, and MC seems to have a fair bit of characterisation, which we love to see ๐โค๏ธ
He is indeed human. There are a few points in the build where he mentions both that he is one, and that they are rare to join the high ranks of Cavalry.
Amaaazing start~! ^^_ I love the overall vibe so much! :0 It's like a furry version of Starcraft xP the characters all seem pretty interesting and diverse, and despite introducing so much information about the universe xou've created, the writing is done so well that the reader isn't left confused or disinterested, which I consider a major win~ UwU
Amazing job so far, truly :) I can't wait to get to know Calbex better (Must. Help. Woof! \>o</) and to see where xou take the story~ n__n thank xou for sharing xour story with us!
i want to see more of it this visual novel is my favorite most of all he has fantasy and also human and furry in the military trying to find their place in the world even though the main character is a human and trying his best to help his knight would anything he can i just want to see more of it i'm excited to see more
i just leave it there is more graphics you know in the first starting like i can sex with his partner or a friend and also like the voice acting on the first one when you start the game i wish there are more of that
What a fresh start of a new VN and i actually got to witness it, im so happy for this team for working on this, i havent even played it yet but i already love it and i will adore this!!!!
Keep up the good work cuz im looking forward to it !!! :DD
I already adore Calbex. Solid start! The aesthetic and art is real nice. Facial animations are a bit jarring, i.e. when a character's dialogue ends and their mouth goes from open to shut instantly. This is a very minor nitpick though and has no effect on enjoyment. Great work!
โ Return to game
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How big are some of the characters compared to the human mc? I heard at one point that Corwan was about a foot taller than him.
There is a variety of heights, we have not seen any of the smaller characters really yet, aside from Maros, who is smaller than the MC.
Hi Taleek97, I'm one of the developers of IFS. Are you sure that's the right screenshot you've uploaded? That screenshot seems to be an error from this game, not from IFS.
Sorry my bad
This seems like a potentially good visual novel.
Furry Visual Novels are just so different, so "indie" in a good way. But they do lack a lot especially in mechanics and scale. This isn't a bad thing per se, but I feel like there are too many linear stories in the furry genre. IK scale is hard to achieve with such a small team especially when they may have other jobs but as a FVN coming out sort of 'late' without anything special to add I feel a bit let down.
The artwork is amazing. I kind of do want to give it a 10/10 but there is still a lot of clean up that can be done, especially in texturing some materials. Everything (including the fur) feels like its made of plastic.
I personally do not get the dedication of these characters and why they have an intense emotional need to not let down their superiors. I'm just going to say it... It doesnt feel like they are militarily involved with their superiors. I think they just want to get in their senpai's bed by being an obedient good boy. --While sluttiness can be entertaining (eg Temptations Balad) it didnt seem to fit with the idea sold to us in the beginning, that they are at war with a very dangerous adversary and that they might have been brainwashed to be loyal fodder or at least have a good reason to be so patriotic. I just dont see it yet.
There are more of these logical "threads" that are just cut because I have my expectations subverted in similar ways. So Id have to rate the story boarding of the writer quite poorly for putting together something incoherent. Aside from that, it is written well enough if not a little fast paced. Since they are all in a facility or wearing a device more time could have been spent by the author helping us see what the MC sees as his first time on board this training base as he makes his way or gets alarms/calls (read Enders Game for reference). Things were either rushed into action or retreating to talk about the MCs negative emotions (it was done a tad too much too quickly. While I dont doubt you have a plan for this, as the reader it is becoming unbarable and making me dislike the MC. For a soldier he sure is a whiney bitch. You could try introducing other emotions because us readers want to feel good from time to time, not just sorry for the MC and then distracted by the horny stuff until it is time to feel sad again).
Id suggest to go over the story board. The sequence of events that happen are fine but you can go about the transition a little more slowly and introduce the world to us. The characters seem like they were cookie cutted and dont have unique motivations. All I feel from them is a tad bit of racism/elitism or being friendly for no reason. While a few characters were given a basic personality, they dont really pop out as if they could be a real life person with depth. All you really got going is a sensible sequence of events and some sexy characters. While this can be sold to a lot of people without complaints, that isn't exactly something id waste my time with, even if furry visual novels are hard to come by, id just not read this if the quality stays the same because it is incapable of making me feel anything (except maybe a little horny).
Over all there is real potential if this gem can be polished up. I am hoping for bettter stuff to come.
Thank you for taking the time for the review. I hope that as the series goes on you like it more.
I am saddened to hear that you do not like the character designs, as we spent a lot of time making them and I think they're all pretty cute and I didn't get a plastic feel at any point, though I will look at them closely now.
In terms of it being linear that is one of the points I am striving for in telling this story, routes were never an option. I personally do not like route VNs as much, especially when the routes are romance based. It feels off that you choose a path with the eventual goal of 'winning' a characters love. I'm attempting in this story to show that while who you may end up with at the end is set, that does not mean, as is life, that you can't/won't have experiences along the way. Those will be the options available when we get to them, but those choices will not change the outcome of the story.
As for the other comments, perhaps we will go and look back at the pacing for the earlier chapters, though that will happen later as we forge the story ahead atm. My writing style may appear incoherent, but I can also hope you wait as more chapters fill in those blanks in the way I have designed it, and if not, my style may just not be for you.
Build 3 is in the works for release to Patreons in the next few weeks with more world building, character development and bonding, and learning. I hope you can read that and see if its to your liking.
Thank you for taking the time to read the review. (EDITED)
1- I don't disagree that the character designs are of good quality. I am just having trouble imagining metal shoulder and chest pads on something that reminds me of Khakis like how ww2 uniforms use to be.
There are also some detailing with lines to give the art style more depth. However I've seen similar things (and more... well executed?) on anime figurines. In fact, some even go further and try to add not only lines but some texture that is somewhat lacking with the art style of your FVN (eg https://www.odditycentral.com/art/artist-turns-generic-figurines-into-ultra-real...) It wouldn't hurt to add some texture to what you have right now because with just 1 extra shade of darker/lighter color (besides some black lines for detail) it doesn't really help the viewers get a sense of touch into your world and so it becomes less memorable.
2- I really like space genres (battles, adventure, or smut...) so when I came across this there was a hope it would be a big project. Im not blaming you or anything... My impatience made my tongue slip and you didn't deserve any unfair criticism for that. You have every right to write the story you want to write. The point I was trying to make is that FVNs are now starting to get so popular that there is incentive for a big team to make a FVN with multiple routes or other interesting mechanics and have it be profitable. Some FVN patreons have almost a thousand subscribers with a decent chunk giving more than just 1$ a month. There are digital nomads living and working from low cost of living countries (or cruise ships) so if I had the necessary equipment and team this would definitely be my full time job AND i'd have a better, less stressful living condition.
3- (The Edit. Sorry about the great wall of text. Ill try to get to the point without dragging as much).
To put it short, I read a lot. While I don't write as much as i'd like to, I still know what ingredients goes into a good story.
One ingredient is readability. If you check out Comidacomida's work on SoFurry you'll see what I mean. He uses simple words, doesn't phrase things that need a grammar expert to have a double think, and the... colors? of the vocabulary are wonderful, so when you read it you actually enjoy it because he can turn words into art with the way it is all strung together. Unfortunately In Finite Space lacks these qualities in some regards, making it a bit of a chore to read through.
Another is the narrative. Im sure it is too early to tell, but I am not really learning anything about the characters of what their culture values. Readers love flawed characters that are relatable or different cultures that makes us see things with new perspectives, however the storyteller fails in this regard. I thought it was going well with Eryx the Bear but then events became incoherent and lacked logic. Supposedly his parents make him train very hard. And then he loses a spar. So he is staying up late to get in more training. Now all that makes sense if you think he is punishing himself over his loss while having an ego for being #1, but he has a clumsy streak (because he did fall down. Also this FVN isn't shy about stereotypes, and bears tend to have a clumsy stereotype to them). Perhaps his character arc is about letting go of perfection or being what youre not but that isn't done. In fact I am not sure what is done... Is he just eye candy for people with a specific type? That's all it seems like to me.
Speaking of coherency and logic, this FVN doesn't seem to feel like it was written by 1 person who has something to say. It feels like it was written by 10 different (horny) people. Im sure we all played or seen others play "take turns to complete a sentence but you can only say 1 word on your turn". If it is written by 1 person they need to go back to the storyboard phase and start ripping out things that don't have any importance. Distill it to its essence while keeping the sequence of events logical. You can keep things logical by first writing out the personality and temperment of your characters, eg an angry character with a short temper would go from grumbling to physically violent when they get triggered. Eryx sort of held up well since you both can bond over losing your spars, making the easy friendship with him logical, but then that's about it. In their world the new recruits are very subservient to their superiors but there is no logic for that. Supposedly they are fodder, and yet they are trained as if to become superiors themselves... This makes no logical sense unless it is about patriotism (yet they are so racist and elitist to each other? even patriotism for such a cruel society seems illogical, though you could make the case for brainwashing which can be interesting) or if the new recruits are all some kind of sadists. I think the latter because of how degraded the MC wants to be and has.... a kink for his officer... It just feels that way. Which makes it weird their whole army culture is about a dom/sub sex relation. That's not my fetish so I dont feel simpatico with the MC and the way he goes out of his way to be of "service".
Last 2 things would be the pacing between certain events as well as the world building going on so far.
Pacing is more than how many words you write between 2 events. You can even make it shorter or longer AND make the story even better for it. Pacing does a lot of things, one of which is setting a mood for expectations, or to set it up to subvert expectations if your MC is about to meet a subversive or tricky new character. Ender's Game does this really well, but if you'd rather another FVN that does it well would be Roads Yet Traveled. (Spoilers) The MC is nervous to meet the Captain, and it turns out for good reason too, because she turns out to be very intimidating. At first I thought the MC was being a wimp for no reason and there was no reason to fear her... And then we meet her and OMG she is scary! I am actually glad a writer can make me regret being wrong (in a good way ofc). But thankfully she is rational and not mean for the sake of being mean... She did make it to Captain after all so it wouldnt be logical some mega corporation would put someone unhinged at the helm of the ship. The pacing between when the MC was getting nervous, to waiting for the suspense to build, to meeting her and being alone for a while, and when Tyre gets a beat down, to once again being alone with her is all well paced and helps the reader feel the subtle feelings the writer intended to portray and releases our nervousness about her when it is all over while having something to look forward to when meeting her again WHAT!? Unfortunately that all goes out the window in In Finite Space. It always feels like there is unsettled business with every character so far. While I have no issues with the events the way they start and end leaves me emotionally confused. For eg the feelings of solitude right before we meet Eryx just seems to start right back up when we part ways. The MC (thus the writer) fails to insert the way the world subtly changes. We walked out of that entire interaction with the way things started. I was expecting more of a skip to our step or a change of perspective about lonely nights. No offense, but besides the eye candy your characters dont feel like they do anything else for the reader on an emotional level.
While I do not like information dumps, there needs to be more moments where the MC notices something and explains how it makes him feel. IK it helps build up mystery to not describe an enemy too much too quickly but I feel like that whole scene should be rewritten. Often, the reactions of others are supposed to be a hint to how we should react, and yet that was missing. No shared scar trope, no mention to how things changed forever (other than still being at war) ((eg take the TSA ever since 9/11)), no change of mood from rambunctious to solemn... At least it doesn't feel that way. Besides the enemy, you could point to certain technology, engineering, or culture that needed to evolve from something we as the reader can relate to into something new that makes logical sense to their world. Unfortunately I fail to feel what it is like to be part of their world. Because of the tone it is written in, and that I find horny for the sake of horny to be annoying, it just feels like this facility theyre all in is a candy shop and the MC is just there to oogle some furry people while trying to get his kink on and I can't take the story seriously. I think story ought to come before the smutt since that is guaranteed to make people read your work and have more of an emotional impact with a character they can relate to or fancy. I just think a writer would feel bad if people use the skip button until they reach a nude character...
There are more ingredients but I dont find them as important as these, especially since In Finite Space seems to be very lacking in these regards I find most important. I don't mean to come off across as someone who just wants a story written differently. I genuinely believe there is always a better way to rewrite a thing, and there is a lot of polishing that can be done without changing the essence of this story. Ive read so many stories so Id know what works and what is just clutter that ruins more ways of enjoying the story than helps it. This FVN does have some clutter but most of common of all is a carelessness when it comes to the reader in mind. Your readers are always thinking and making assumptions and going through feelings and emotions. We don't get a flow from the writer and it can feel like we are just a spectator to a wolrd and people we dont care about. Many people would call such experiences a waste of time with nothing to gain. I am sure many would disagree with me, but I would wager it is because they find a certain character appealing or have the same kinks as the MC. Nothing wrong with what you fancy, but stories are supposed to be for a wider audience to learn something. Im sure if we could have art of a character they fancy and a story about them my same cirtics would flock to that media over your FVN which I am sure you are pouring so much effort and love into. FVNs wont survive against such media that can do what you do but more cheaply and less time consuming, so if you also care about being fairly compensated and appreciated you'd focus more on the quality of the writing and take your time to polish it up, at least until the characters, personalities, and events they find themselves in are all logically coherent, and trust your audience to love them over the relatable moments and moments they wished they had IRL. While it wont be an "Amazing work of art!" it is good enough for a FVN made by a passionate small scale creator and be a lot better than what it is now.
Dude are you the main character everywhere you go. This was one of the most out of touch posts I've ever seen.
I'd be extremely embarrassed posting stuff like this.
Just giving my honest opinion. If youre too embarrassed to be honest maybe youre the one out of touch.
L
the commander in purple is a piece of shit, and the one in blue is a sweet heart, thats what i see so far.
The VN is amazing so far, my only nitpick is that there is no music while Fen is talking even though it kinda feels like there should be some kind of inspirational piece or something
I agree, Something ambient during some of the dead silence would be nice in general. I think they made a song and added it to a couple scenes but there's still a lot of dead silence from what I noticed.
We are aware of this and are composing more music for these moments. Since we're taking the music direction very seriously we want to make sure we hit the right notes.
That being said we may look at implementing some ambient sound to some scenes as a placeholder.
Great novel, keep up the good work.
I have a question - will Maros appear further in the game? Will be the route with him?
Maros will return in the future yes. There are no 'routes' as its a linear story, but there are options to spend time with all the cast, so please look forward to seeing Maros again.
Since this visual novel has no routes and it is linear does that mean you can have NSFW interactions with the other squires and knights that have their character images in the game?
that is correct yes.
Will their also be top and bottom variations for the MC/characters as well?
the MC is vers. So there will be situations where he tops, and others where he bottoms. I hope you enjoy those scenes if you choose to play them ;)
loving the story so far. cant wait for the next update
Finally got to play it and I'm impressed! The MC is very committing with goals no matter the odds/obstacles, challenges that will hit him, and finding a true call for his purpose as a squire. The characters are well colorful in their own ways and their motives and cultures etc. Love it!
I'll look forward for the next update! Keep up the good work!!!
Will the VN have just the optional "stress relief" or will it have full romance options? Not gonna lie that I'm rather looking for the latter.
Or is there gonna be at least something beyond just "stress relief"? I really liked the moment where Calbex tried to console the MC and I hope it will go further than that.
The romance, or rather the eventual ending for the MC is written. Much as is in life, who you finally settle down with doesn't mean you don't have plenty of other sexual and romantic experiences along the way. This aspect of life is one of the goals we are showing in this story.
Sorry that I disrespected your agency. It's your project, not mine. I just fawned too much over Calbex.
I'm not going to hide that it does certainly sound like a breath of fresh air. And I'm certainly interested in your project.
I myself do actually have a sci-fi VN planned for the future where the characters' romances are set.
OMG WHAT A GEM...the characters are cute! Just a question...will there be a sprite for the MC and if so, will he be customizable?
I dont plan on having a full sprite made, and although I'd love to have a fully customisable MC, we donโt have that currently planned in development. Maybe down the line, if the story tales off I can get this sort of aspect funded.
Does the game feature NSFW scenes?
very much so yes.
I looove all the inventions, idioms, and cultural aspects that xou've incorporated~ ^^_ it's always fun finding practical ways to integrate furries into our world, even more so when done in a futuristic setting :p
Building a realistic universe is so imperative to help immerse readers, and I think that xa'll have really nailed this with IFS, as every aspect is extremely creative and very much enthralling UwU
Amazing work. Can't wait to see how the story (and romances) progress~ ;3
Very nice work! I really enjoyed the writing in this build, I love seeing the great vulnerability of MC, but even more so that he wants to power through it despite the had first day. Also, the animations/effects in this build were nice! i.e. movements in the spar scene, or how characters would slightly change in size when they were or weren't speaking for example. Nice touches that could have been skimped on, but definitely do add to the visual experience. It's appreciated.
Excited for more to come :)
Oh no...I want Fen to bully me more
And Brut too of course!
My need to prove myself needs more story to know what happens!!!!
In due time, of course. You practically just publicly released the second build, so it'll be a little while.
I like the write and characters of the vn, but because of the theme of the vn it feels a lot of waste that it doesn't have options, I mean there is so much to play and explore here, for example in this build 2 what would happened if the protagonist was trying the heavy mode of the weapon, options in battles whether practice or real that could changed the history or even end in a game over if we do it wrong. Apart from that, I don't know the opinion of others, but at least I want to see the characters better by our own decisions, after all it is a little cold to think with their personalities, design, possible stories they have and everything else the only option we have is whether or not we want to have a "stress release" moment with them and nothing else, if we decided to spend time with one or the other if could even change our performance in battle for learn from their styles of combat or something like that.
I really like this vn just... well everything I already say.
Would you let me translate the vn into Spanish, as I said, I like the story and the potential it has, let's be honest most of the spanish speakers are lazy to learn english and I like that more people read this story
If you would like to do translating to Spanish please feel free to.
How did you get the new story content? I've tried downloading on windows and android and I just get the build 1 content
Oh, figured a post titled "Build 2 - public release" would be the public release lol
Great scriptwriting! The art style is also top notch!
Everything was fine again!... I caught wind of In Finite Space, I looked at its premise, it interested me, I noticed eventually it had a Discord server, so I joined, never said a word, as I awaited its release, so that I could share my thoughts on it..., next day the Server was GONE AGAIN WITH NO REASON WHATSOEVER, it was upsetting, but this time I sought to simply be asking why what good does it do to preach inclusion if all you do is exclusion?
From there they had to audacity to bring the issue back to the forefront and that is when I let them have it, and also blocked them to give them no chance for back talk, I listed to them each and everything they had done, each and every feeling it gave, each and every issue it had caused for their cloak and dagger styled maneuvers!
By now I realized that this issue is not able to be ignored or put to rest, and with a calm rage I started listing everything off in a centralized location of the server, once again met with apathy of others who have no damn clue what they are dealing with, and its that very ignorance that only fuels my frustration, my frustration that these consecutive incidents are all one sided without any chance of me being able to defend myself, nor anyone who willing to step up to put an end to it!
So I made it known if this issue is not put to rest and it happens again I will be back and it will be worse, I DO NOT LIE, for the reason is that I have no means to take any action myself, because I am denied!
The initiate demands of mine are:
To have the two of them ousted and banned from all servers, stripped of their authority..., but that does feel like I am cranking things too far into the opposing direction, so that feels taking things too far at this point, it is not my place
Second is to be Unbanned from all five severs in which they have abused their powers, Remember the Flowers (Origin Server, but unless lead Dev can understand the extant of what they have done it is pointless to seek this demand)
Soulcreek (I checked I'm still banned, clearly people have LIED, also Ryou was turned into a scapegoat!!!)
Roads Yet Traveled (Said nothing, Did nothing, Just existed)
When I Wish I Knew You (Same thing, but this demand is pointless now because it has only one final build left to go)
and In Finite Space (Same thing never said a word, never made a fuss, really does not matter whether they are a Dev or a Mod there)
I thought they were a guy a first wondering why their eyes were feminine, then saw their female pronouns. never in my almost 30 years of gaming have i found a fictional female character sexually attractive until now
This is so good what??? Honestly, was not expecting it to be this good! Really hope to see more soon :P
I love me some SciFi VN's and this one is quite well done! I am really excited to see the upcoming builds you have planned. At first I was a bit bummed that the mc is human, but that quickly faded, I do enjoy these types of VN's and I am very interested in reading about the swarm, its definitely gotten my interest piqued :D
Always excited to see more scifi furry VNs, so I've been waiting for this to drop! I'm interested to see where this story goes. :3
A solid start! Looks great, Im looking foward where this goes. Im curious btw, is this a linear VN or there will be routing? Im fine with both.
The story is lineal, but there will be points in the story where you can engage in....'stress relief' with every other main cast member. You can choose each time to accept, but yes or no, the final story will still end the same way.
Hello, I really liked your novel. I am a translator from Russia, and I am involved in a project to translate short stories for Russian mortals, and I would really like to translate your story into Russian, can I do it?
We would love for the story to reach all corners of the globe. Thank you for asking permission. That being said this will be a long project, spanning many books. Please feel free to translate it. If you ever have any questions about wording choices for translating please come to the discord server and I shall answer fully.
Great start!! You have not just my interest but my full attention!!! Love it so far, presentation is great as well, and MC seems to have a fair bit of characterisation, which we love to see ๐โค๏ธ
who is the MC ? Is he a human or something else ?
He is indeed human. There are a few points in the build where he mentions both that he is one, and that they are rare to join the high ranks of Cavalry.
Lovely Demo! I'm excited to see how the story continues (: Calbex seems very kind.
The MC has a bit of Maverick from Top Gun. ๐
At least he has a purpose. But Calbex is the star here
Amaaazing start~! ^^_ I love the overall vibe so much! :0 It's like a furry version of Starcraft xP the characters all seem pretty interesting and diverse, and despite introducing so much information about the universe xou've created, the writing is done so well that the reader isn't left confused or disinterested, which I consider a major win~ UwU
Amazing job so far, truly :) I can't wait to get to know Calbex better (Must. Help. Woof! \>o</) and to see where xou take the story~ n__n thank xou for sharing xour story with us!
Love this game so far! I was ever so excited to join the Patreon ^.=.^
May I ask why I was banned form the server for doing absolutely nothing?
Because that would mean "bringing in outside drama"
i want to see more of it this visual novel is my favorite most of all he has fantasy and also human and furry in the military trying to find their place in the world even though the main character is a human and trying his best to help his knight would anything he can i just want to see more of it i'm excited to see more
i just leave it there is more graphics you know in the first starting like i can sex with his partner or a friend and also like the voice acting on the first one when you start the game i wish there are more of that
This was a great start to a vn and I'm already obsessed with Calbex. He's just adorable.
LES GOOOOO!!!!
What a fresh start of a new VN and i actually got to witness it, im so happy for this team for working on this, i havent even played it yet but i already love it and i will adore this!!!!
Keep up the good work cuz im looking forward to it !!! :DD
FINALLY *DIES*
I already adore Calbex. Solid start! The aesthetic and art is real nice. Facial animations are a bit jarring, i.e. when a character's dialogue ends and their mouth goes from open to shut instantly. This is a very minor nitpick though and has no effect on enjoyment. Great work!
This is one to keep an eye on!
Juicy